Habits of Highly Effective People | The Interdependent Ones
There are three independent habits and four interdependent habits within the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey. If you want to work better in a family, or in a team, then these habits are for you. A few weeks ago I did a video on the first three habits of this book: be proactive, begin with the end in mind, and put first things first. But no man is an island, and these last four habits focus on what it means to be part of a team, and how to work more effectively in that team. One of my favorite ideas in the book is that you can be efficient with things, but don't try being efficient with people.
I really enjoyed sharing my opinions on the first three habits of this book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. The first three habits were focused on mostly independent habits, or ways that you can focus on being more effective. The last four habits are focused on what it takes to be a better teammate, a better more effective one anyway.
The fourth habit is to think win-win. For every interaction there are five different types of outcome. The first time is lose-lose; this is when one or both sides do something out of spite so that no one wins. The most popular example of this is the prisoner's dilemma where there are two prisoners, A and B. Each of the prisoners, separately, are presented with the same offer. If they confess then they will be granted a shorter sentence, while the other prisoner will be charged with a longer sentence. If they were thinking win-win, neither would confess, and both receive the same sentence. However, in this scenario, they are both thinking in personal self-interest and both confess. This results in both receiving the maximum sentence, and no one winning. Lose-lose.
Next is two and three, AKA win-lose and lose-win. This happens when one side gives in, or the other side takes advantage of the other side. This often results in a feeling of resentment causing future business to be lost.
Then we have win-win, where we all went to end up. This is when both sides have an abundance mentality where they believe that there are plenty of resources to go around for everyone. Just because someone wins, does not mean the other person loses. Unless we are playing sports. so this outcome is the most ideal one, and the one that we are all trying to strive towards.
If win-win is absolutely out of the question, there is still the last type of outcome which is “no deal”. This is going to be better than anyone losing, it is going to be better than any kind of resentment, which is still kind of winning.
The next habit is “Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood”. I might be projecting here, but it feels like most people do not listen with the intent to understand, but to reply. I am definitely guilty of this because my sentences sometimes are very choppy if I do not think about what I want to say first. And on the flipside, if I have rehearsed it, and I have memorized it, then whatever I say comes out way too quickly. A lot of times too, I get nervous, or uncomfortable, and just ramble out whatever first pops into my head, which can also result in me speaking too quickly.
For me, there is not yet a middle ground that exists without an excessive amount of likes, ands, and ums. I’m constantly thinking about how I am going to end each sentence, or what I am going to say next. In high school, we had a communication class where we were required to give a speech about what we most valued, or something. My entire speech was based on the fact that I liked smiling and laughing, which is true, but also at the very moment that the first words came out of my mouth for the speech, a small voice inside my head became quite loud. It told me that this was the stupidest idea for a speech in the entire world. It told me that everyone was laughing at me, or going to. I cried. I cried in the middle of a high school class, and it is something that I will never forget. I am not going to blame this one event on any speech impediments that I may, or may not have, but it definitely plays a role.
A better option than to blurt out whatever came first would be active listening, to stay out of my head and focus on understanding whoever it is I am talking with. Rephrase whatever what was just said, and add how you think that made them feel, until an actual request for advice, or opinion, is made. A response is not always what someone needs. Maybe they just want someone to listen to them, and to feel understood.
Only when you are asked, then you can think about what you would like to say. The pause that comes between their question and your response might be longer than is comfortable, but also they will see that you really thought out your reply. Or you can just be like me, and blurt out whatever comes next. Sometimes it makes sense. Sometimes...
Habit six is Synergy or Synergize. This is not just a buzzword, it turns out. This habit is really about working in a team because each and every person’s opinion and perspective should be valued. Unfortunately, it does not work with everyone. It is most difficult with closed-minded people. In my opinion, it is generally a good idea not to be friends with close-minded people anyway. I love all my friends because even when we disagree, I know that we can have a reasonable discussion about it. Learning about different points of views is also a form of growth. If you continue to work on your own, it’s just your own skills being utilized, not a group and all of the skills combined.
So the next time you meet someone different than you, get ready to learn your little butt off.
The last habit, but certainly not least, is “Sharpen the Saw”. This habit is about making sure that you are balanced and ready to use the other six habits highlighted in this book. This balancing is broken out into four areas of life: physical, spiritual, cognitive health, and social health.
Keeping physically fit, I feel, could often be overlooked because it is not really an “urgent” matter per se, right? Typically, the doctor has not told you anything (hopefully) and you are just meant to eat your greens and get the heart pumping every once in a while. But actually? It is important, and it is urgent. Take your vitamins, friends.
I have never thought of myself as a very spiritual person. However, along with the activities that one would think would obviously be spiritual, such as: prayer, and meditation, the book also listed art, music, and spending time in nature. This clarification was a great addition. I enjoy my hikes. My art comes in the form of videos, and I love me some music even though most of the music that I actually listen to is on loop until I am absolutely sick of it. I know you do it too.
Third, we have got cognitive health, which is about learning and/or teaching. I feel like I am really nailing this one. I love reading and learning, I almost feel like it is all I ever do. Even when creating these videos I make mistakes constantly. Everyday I see something that I can incorporate and one of these videos, or that I would like to incorporate. A year ago, I had no idea how to use any video editing software, or graphic design (if you can call it) that for my thumbnails. But now, I have friends that ask me (sometimes) how they could do something with video. For my videos, there is always a way to improve upon the previous iteration, and try to emulate my role models without copying them.
Last, even though this was in no particular order, is social health. This would be spending time with family and friends. I recently saw on Tik-Tok that some people with ADHD may have trouble keeping in touch with friends. I related so much to that statement. It almost sounds like some kind of excuse, but my mind is rarely focused on one thing for very long. So the amount of times that I think about my friends and family, versus the amount of times that I actually do anything about it is not a flattering ratio. I guess it is just one more thing that I can work on to work on my social health.
Sharpening the saw is essentially “filling up” your fulfillment bucket so that you have the energy to spend on the other habits. This is my favourite of the habits of highly effective people.
“Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have - YOU.” – Stephen R. Covey
What is your favourite interdependent habit?
